The Non-Mystery of Chantix Suicide
The New York Times can't tell you why people using Chantix are at greater risk of suicide, but luckily, you have me. Chantix is an anti-smoking drug that is supposed to 1) kill the craving for nicotine and 2) block nicotine from having any effect on the brain. Here's my experience with Chantix -- it blocked the nicotine but didn't kill the craving. So when I caved in and, like a beaten dog, went crawling to the convenience story to buy cigarettes in shame, I did not get any relief from the craving. It takes about four days for the Chantix to work its way out of the system. This was enough to reduce me nearly to tears, and frankly, I am not the most addicted smoker out there. I can only imagine what a two-pack-a-day smoker would be going through in the same situation.
Fucked Concept: Killing you to save you Severity: God I want a cigarette right now
Censorship, Thy Name Is Times
I admit -- it's a quandary. A dilemma. A Catch-22, if you will. What do you do when one of your employees is kidnapped and you think it's safer if no one knows and you happen to be a newspaper? You hold back the story. Interesting choice, and one wonders exactly where and how outsiders are accorded similar considerations. But if you're the New York Times, you go just a little further -- you seek out and kill the story wherever it may roam, including multiple smackdowns on Wikipedia. Granted, it's a Catch-Quando-22-Lemma. But still, you kinda know what you think and feel when you read of this, now don't you? Fucked Concept: "Fit to print" Severity: [SCORE CENSORED BY NEW YORK TIMES]
Insultingly Unnecessary Packaging
I just cracked open a DVD box set. It was wrapped in a cardboard sleeve which was wrapped around a cardboard case with the EXACT SAME PICTURE ON IT. The outer sleeve is indistinguishable from the inner package. Why do trees die for this? There is NO value to the sleeve at all -- not even the crass faux luxury of wearing fur or the crass faux social status of driving a hummer. It's gratuitously cruel, like driving out into the woods to plant mousetraps. Fucked Concept: Eco-anything Severity: Good for about 1.5 degrees of global warming this year
Flesh-Eating Terrorists
No, really! According to the Middle East Media Research Institute, this was the topic (or soup) du jour recently on the jihadist Internet forums. According to MEMRI: On June 13, 2009, a member of the Al-Falluja forum who uses the moniker "Al-Maqdisi's Student" wrote a post based on this passage [in full report] titled "Is it permitted to eat the flesh of American soldiers? A quote from the illustrious Sheikh Al-Maqdisi, may Allah preserve him." He began by recounting an exchange between the early Muslim commander Khalid b. Al-Walid and the Byzantine commander at the battle of Yarmuk (in the year 636 C.E.) The Byzantine commander said to Khalid that the Muslims had only gone out from their land due to hunger, and offered to buy them off. Khalid responded: "It was not hunger that drove us out of our land, as you say; we are a people who drink blood, and we know that there is no blood more delicious than Byzantine blood. That is why we came." But it's not all lessons in the history of Radical Islamic Jurisprudence. There are also jokes! This was posted by one of the discussion participants: A true story: a group of mujahideen from one of the brigades was in the mountains during the jihad against the Russians. One of them was sent off on a mission; he went and came back, but he couldn't find any of the brothers. He saw a roasted calf leg that the brothers in the brigade left for him for dinner, and he ate of it until he was full. When he went back to the main camp, the brothers saw him and offered him dinner! He said: praise Allah, I already ate! They said: Where did you find dinner? He said: You left me roasted calf leg! They said: No, no, that wasn't calf, that was the leg of a Russian infidel! He answered: No matter, it's all Islamic slaughter! :) Fucked Concept: Gitmo as the symbol of terrible wartime conduct Severity: 2 hours at 250 degrees, or until juices run clear
Jacko Flashbacko
After spending all evening tearfully lionizing Michael Jackson in the most excessive and glowing terms, CNN this morning seems to have suddenly remembered he was a freak who liked to dangle children out of windows when he wasn't liquoring them up for sleepovers where there wasn't a lot of sleeping going on, wink, wink, know what I mean. This is small consolation to the family of Farrah Fawcett, of course. Wolf Blitzer, in a chatty promo with Larry King, pointed out that Larry was booked and loaded to roll with an hourlong show on Farrah last night. A longtime cozy cuz to Jackson, and not exactly the savoriest character himself, King responded with great excitement that all of that was out the window and that there was NO OTHER STORY IN THE WORLD TODAY except for Jackson. If I were one of Farrah's friends or family scheduled for last night's "Larry King Live," I think I would grab his bowtie and twist. Fucked Concept: Kindness to the bereaved Severity: Six feet under P.S. Ten minutes later, we're back to lionizing. "His Greatness Was Perfection" has been the onscreen headline for the last five.
'High' Standards Indeed
This from a Reuters story on Mark Sanford: A string of Democratic and Republican politicians have seen their careers ruined in recent years by marital indiscretions, which are viewed harshly in the United States, a country that demands high standards of personal morality from its public officials. Present presidency excepted, between 42 and 43 alone, we had drunk-driving, extra-marital-cock-sucking, coke-snorting, pot-not-inhaling, revenge-killing and enough lies to send Pinnochio's nose across state lines. And let's not forget Nixon, who was anti-abortion except "when you have a black and a white" having babies.
Fucked Concept: Those darn voters, so demanding Severity: What was the margin of Bush/Gore again?
Michael Jackson dead at 50
ITEM: Michael Jackson, child star turned international superstar, The King of Pop, dead of apparent cardiac arrest. His stunning successes of the 1980's gave way to seclusion, allegations of bizarre sex with underage acolytes and plastic surgery disasters. FUCKED CONCEPT: King of Pop...cardiac arrest...Hmmmm...King of Poppers? SEVERITY: 20... 10 out of 10 for MJ, plus another 10 for "the man in the mirror". The 80's of my misspent youth are no longer nostalgia. They are officially history.
We're Baaaaack......
I am not sure exactly what it was. A little bit of Mark Sanford. A lot of Michael Jackson. The endless commercials telling me how impersonal government is going to ruin my oh-so-huggable insurance company. Yaz. Definitely, those Yaz commercials had something to do with it. The fucked world needs Fuckedworld.com. Now, more than ever. Fucked Concept: Fuckedworld.com Severity: Unfucked
Premature Ejaculation Is Not A Disorder, But It Could Destroy The U.S. Economy
I was profoundly irked by a new study ( link) regarding the "disorder" of premature ejaculation, which apparently "afflicts" 20-30% of American males, destroying their peace of mind and depriving them of happy, health sex lives. While I am sure some small percentage of those males have some sort of medical condition, it's ludicrous to suggest that 20-30% of Americans should be "treated" for this "disorder," and here's why: * First off, pemature ejaculation is a symptom, not a disease. There is no disease called "premature ejaculation." * In keeping with this sentiment, there is no credible body of literature outlining a medical condition that causes the symptom of premature ejaculation. If you don't believe me, look into it yourself. There is NO MEDICAL CONDITION that causes premature ejaculation except for possibly some extraordinarily rare nervous system disorders. * Premature ejaculation can be prevented in almost every instance by behavioral modification -- having sex more slowly, regulating masturbation, pausing during intercourse, thinking about baseball... not to mention more advanced techniques like tantric exercises, just to pick one. In other words, you can learn not to prematurely ejaculate. It takes equal parts discipline and caring about your partner's needs. It's not rocket science. Calling "premature ejaculation" a medical disorder and treating it with drugs is the rankest kind of irresponsibility. It's like medicating someone for playing too many video games, or medicating a child for not doing his homework (which this society does at an alarming rate). It's telling people that they don't have to exercise willpower, they can just take a pill. You will not be surprised therefore to learn that the study, which was covered by straightfaced news outlets as "science," is entirely the product of the self-serving pharmaceutical industry, bought and paid for by Alza Corp. and Johnson & Johnson Pharmaceutical Services as part of a campaign to pressure the FDA into approving a new drug for the "medical condition." If you take a few moments to calculate the percentage of the American economy devoted to nonexistent commodities, fictional financing constructs masquerading as business (i.e., most stocks) and completely unnecessary medical treatments, you will discover that the GDP of the USA is a lot smaller than anyone imagines. Someday, people might wake up and take a good hard look at the emperor's new clothes. The stock market crash of 1929 will look like child's play in comparison to the financial collapse that's a'coming... Rant concluded.
Exit Wounds...
Rumsfeld today on the future of the Iraq occupation: "We don't really have an exit strategy. We have a victory strategy." How many things can you find wrong with this statement? (Hint: At least three.)
Project for a New American Century
It sounds so innocuous. Who could object to a project for a new American century? It's a new century, and we live in America! What could possibly go wrong? The Project for a New American Century, aka PNAC, is a think tank founded in 1997 by arch-conservative commentator William Kristol, whose illustrious career peak was a stint as Dan Quayle's chief of staff. Despite this, Kristol somehow rose to become one of the Republican Party's leading intellectuals and editor of The Weekly Standard, the chief propaganda weapon of the neoconservative movement.
Full story at the Rotten Library
Pope John Paul II
Yes, finally, the pope is officially fucked. He didn't last nearly as long as Terry Schiavo. Shame on you, Pope. If you're already sick of the glowing eulogies currently choking the airwaves and webwaves, you can always check out my Rotten Library entry on the late John Paul II, which is a bit more balanced than the current slobbery mainstream media outpouring. The link should be updated imminently (if it hasn't happened already) with the obituarized version.
An Apt Voice From The Past...
I'm reading A Coffin for Dimitrios, a mystery-thriller written by Eric Ambler in 1937. Almost 70 years ago, Ambler wrote the following words which seem to have special relevance in America today: In a dying civilization, political prestige is the reward not of the shrewdest diagnostician but of the man with the best bedside manner. It is the decoration conferred on mediocrity by ignorance. Yet, there remains one sort of politcal prestige that may still be worn with a certain pathetic dignity; it is that given to the liberal-minded leader of a party of conflicting doctrinaire extremists. His dignity is that of all doomed men: for, whether the two extremes proceed to mutual destruction or whether one of them prevails, doomed he is, either to suffer the hatred of the people or to die a martyr.
The Passions of the Christ
OK, this has a very limited audience, admittedly, but if you watch the NBC daytime soap opera Passions, then you may appreciate the humor in the following parody: The Passions of the Christ, a Web-based comic book/strip thing-a-ma-bob. It's just a lark, but if people like it, more Passions-based humor could probably be arranged. If you haven't seen the show, which was recently highlighted on Entertainment Weekly's "Must List," it's the world's most bizarre soap opera, which can't seem to decide whether it's a soap, a parody of a soap, or just a parody of itself. If you have a high threshhold for stupidity and repetition, it's quite entertaining.
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